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  • Writer's pictureChris Siders

Right Hand 2 God, Victory Lap.

Ever since being home I can honestly say I feel radiant. Happy. I dance when alone. Don’t give a fuck who’s looking. I give more appreciation to art I create.

Of course I still grieve my father, but I feel whole. I give that to me.

I completely shifted my mindset to focus on the abundance of things I already have, which has attracted more great things to come into fruition that’s not rooted in opportunity. I feel true abundance comes in growth of self. Maybe that’s just me. Growth is priceless. Once you grow in building your foundation, you can’t shrink. When acquiring new tools, and revisit old tools know there’s a purpose for every tool even if it one doesn’t apply to a particular situation. That is priceless. Knowledge.

My ability to choose is what gets me going now. I know that I can how I live with my spiritual guidance and walk with God. My current has been thoughts of audacity. I feel life is about the audacity or the dare to do. We have the audacity to wake up, move, perform, carry out tasks, carry light, carry trauma, carry love, give love and dream every single day. Every moment. I want to encourage everyone to continue maneuvering in such a space. That's where abundance is found.

Friends I been around since returning saying “it’s great to see you like this.” I never know what to say, but I just keep smiling. I remember when I was a kid, me and my Dad clowned on each other all day long. Then randomly start throwing out jokes. Pops was mad funny. His energy is what actually brings out that best part of myself. Carefree. Having fun. Just being ridiculous. Even with a ton of work to do, at the moment I choose to vibrate higher. I think a big part is also acknowledging when I'm tired. I shut everything down and instead of spiraling over work I think about how much I accomplished. Easier said than done, but it works for me. I have to say thought, I find peace to be uncomfortable, but being uncomfortable is a sign of moving in the right direction.

I’m back on my exercise regiment. 65 minutes a day on the treadmill with high speed and incline. 3 sets of 10 gauntlet workouts afterwards.

Interview with KNWK 97.7 FM. Reno, Nevada. 4/21/2023

Thinking about the CSU Monterey Bay performance May 19th with the crew I feel that’s my Victory Lap. As an undergraduate on the come up I was looking for anyone to get my foot in the door into People’s hearts at the cost of my own. I performed at the Graduation as a poet. They gave me the chance to do one poem. They didn’t cut a check. Years later they giving a whole set and cutting a check. Thinking about that very poem I performed I feel compelled to share the successor to that piece here called “Love letter Pt.2.” I performed this piece at a Black Gala in Monterey County opening up for Kevin Willmott, the writer for Spike Lee’s BlacKKKlansman movie in 2020. Taking a bold stance against the university. I have not performed or shared this poem since.

Love Letter Pt.2 written in 2020 (TW mentions of Sexual Assault and Racism):

It’s the same ol shit

with these

populace of pigeons

ignore community

mental illness

stemmed from

executive orders

in a vicious cycle

where professors struggle

under paid

and students hustle

9-5 plus full time

out of a car

with stomachs rumbling

next to a grave

No rest for the wicked

to dig up buried bones

above the base of fort ord

caged the elephants

amidst virtue signaling


that lack empathy

attack the act of change

and correlate with canceling

some safe spaces

turned elitist hubs

denied black men

from flourishing

beyond imagination

hope admin see color

in the pleasantville

being created

proceed to change

the campus vision

statement under our nose

no longer serve

low-income families

that dream

strip away the uniqueness

that made CSUMB

and replace it

with a soulless business troupe

take away programs

to be considered “normal”

this innovation

you speak non-exist

in blue pills prescribed

during orientations

and on pamphlets

one tablet to focus

on fabulous beaches

two tablets

to glitch out manipulating

hotel meetings

My lil homies look up

to me

so I gotta speak it

within rhyme

and reasoning

question if

being an Alumni

from here is

worth treasuring

I found gold

in troubled souls

that roam

catacombs for indigo

and a home

return for 7 days

last fall

and heard of two suicides

a overdose

witness a student

get haul off

in the back of

an ambulance truck

when are we

going to admit

silence is killing us?

some labeled me controversial

I’m merely shedding tears

from the eye

of my storm

If all you see

is a violent river

you missing the source

one mic

to broadcast

your radio domes

among a moon shaped pool

reflecting rainbows

hailing thieves

of carpe diem

racial discrimination

since 2002

we kept

the broken pieces

fear sharp bleeding

sued for millions

A black woman

called the n-word

in 2010

students mobilize

against racism

the following year

my professor tried

to use my skin as

a genetic make-up lesson

sending the same message

willie-Lynch theorized

In some minds of UPD

Seaside, Marina and PG Police

like chief Madalone

complicit with violence


people that look like me


Driving while Black


on the wrong side

of the tracks

this university

isn't as inclusive

on certain seasons

time to talk about

Rape culture

as how it effects


in the black community

feeling for my friends

that been raped

and beaten

when I was homeless

in 2017

a woman

attempt to stick her fingers

in me

a man grope my genitals

while working

at the campus bookstore

didn’t make

any sudden moves

to come off as

the aggressor

I been too pressed

staying quiet

being afraid of becoming

a bigger target

I written this poem

for you

to get the nerve

to speak out

and conquer

your silence

The reception was polarizing. People either really loved what I said, or hated it. I got a standing ovation and a shout from Kevin himself. I wasn’t there for shout because I was paranoid someone was coming after me. On my way off-stage I caught angry glares. Returning in a couple weeks, I feel the energy of that poem. Birth out of a love my community and people, it is an angry piece.

Where I’m at now in life now, is understanding how to feel my anger, but in the same breath letting go my anger. Detachment. Prior to performing that poem I forgot how to stand up for myself. Now, again, it's about occupying unapologetically and being mindful of course.

I spoke to a friend of mine recently, Seanya, about giving grace to others. She said each person we meet is a reflection of ourselves. So in theory, in conflict choosing the high road sometimes you giving yourself something you was unable to receive at some point in your current or past life. It’s healing. I find this to be true. I recognize I run into different people with damn near similar personalities to each and holding qualities in myself. Both good and bad.

I done an interview recently about my grief and the time period I created my album that’s scheduled for release May 26th of this month. I feel I was at my lowest point in life writing, producing and recording this project. I written, recorded and produced this entire album in one week at the mid-end of March 2023. Reflecting on the word of my friend, Thandi, again “you can’t die in creative mode.”

"sincerely, a black boy's cry." single cover art. Single out this Friday May 12th 2023.

Pre-Save HERE New Album out 5.26.2023

In this upcoming interview coming out next week, I talked about rage, sex with random people I don’t know, going back on certain morals and personal principles I carry for me in March. I don’t turn to these things at all when in such a mode so it was very concerning. Truthfully that made me take a step back while on tour. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a dark album too. Its hopeful. It’s an extremely mature album holding certain conversations and accountability.

DISCLAIMER: *no i don't smoke. I just know people thats gonna be "WHAT?!..." no. I don't."

Literally every-time I listen to the album, I learn more about myself. I see how far I came since recording it. That’s the impact I wish to create within myself and for others. Accomplishing that, I completed my mission. Everything will fall into place career wise sticking to that. It has been lately. Entering spaces I never been. It’s hard work, but it’s satisfying and I’m good.

I can’t really explain to the fullest extent of my current iridescence, but instead of scratching my head trying to figure out I choose bask in it and consume me. I just know I’m abundant.

Life is good.

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