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  • Writer's pictureChris Siders

emancipation. Liner Notes and Music Video.

emancipation.


picture shot by Edward Isais.

modeling with Sarah Vita.



Track produced by Chris Siders.

Additional Production from Nemesyzz Rigby.

Mixed and Mastered by Nemesyzz Rigby.


Video shot, edited and directed by Cosmo Free.



Story:


The title track for this project is just one of them songs that came to me instantly (even more instantly than the project itself since I made it in a week.) I written both verses in one sitting within an hour or so.


While I was attempting to do things to relax my mind, because I was in a state of hell fire and distress I went to a nails salon to get a pedicure. There is when I went to ol’ reliable to start searching for sample (I’m not about to give my crate digging secrets away lol.) I came across an old Yaya Bey record. I sampled Yaya Bey for “breatheslow” so I thought the vibe was perfect. I was looking for a way to anchor the album.


The subject matter is a culmination of things I am emancipating myself from that I don’t talk about openly, not even my music or artistry. Things like my recent past issues with lust, being a survivor of sexual assault, my past history with violence and more recently the death of my father and attempting to comfort my mom while in such a state of grievance.


Regarding lust and my assault, when I was younger I went to strip clubs and all that to prove myself I’m more worthy than what I viewed myself to be. I was real low. Years later in the recent past dealing with heartbreak, that came in the form of sex to prove my worthiness. That I’m worth something. Giving too much power to others to where I’m a bit more emotionally or mentally guarded.


My issues with anger and unresolved grief have messed up relationships I had with great women in my life. I am happy to reconcile with one recently, but this is all to say I am striving to do better.


Writing this song I wasn’t entirely too sure how I was going to release myself from all this penned up tension and guilt, but I had to do something. Writing can heal, but it's not the end all be all per say. It’s what you do with the information. Just like time. You give yourself time regarding a situation, but what did you do? You go to therapy? You talked to friends? Utilize resources.


I refuse to be stuck. A lot of people, and specifically men, black men, get stuck in a space with emotions. A lot of us come from households and environments where that’s not encouraged. The idea of feeling wholeheartedly and openly. I feel a lot. Intensely. Externally I may look okay, but I’m drowning. Past few weeks has been extreme highs and some lows. It’s unrealistic to believe that everything is going to stay good all the time and that’s okay.



Sound:


The guitar chords in the song was just so immaculate I didn’t want to put drums or anything on it. So I just looped part of the song and use the Pete Rock method for creating a bass. I took out the highs and the lows of the sample then made a copy of the same loop took out the mid and high frequencies and turned up the lows.


During the mixing and mastering process, Nemesyzz Rigby added an extra bass to it to give sample more umphh.


How Nhi ended with the sound bath following Yaya saying everything is going to be okay was just perfect. I wanted the experience itself to be a trippy healing experience for all listeners. That there’s a light at the end of the tunnel even if we don’t know how bright it is exactly.


Lyrics:


Verse 1:

Separation anxiety

I’m obsessive with finding

peace when its been

laying inside me

drag my bones

along cemeteries

after the shift

of grave positions

heart is only for the wicked

fear addressing elephants

on my doorstep

project

how can I love you

when I don’t love me yet?

strength in letting go

became my biggest weakness

cage tearful lullabies

hoping one day

I can see my father time


I hate seeing

my mother cry

emotionally unavailable

isolation

in days I wanna

to straight up die

my rock bottom

look different than most

even with a high career

beg tornadoes

in my room

to keep me afloat

truthfully I don’t know

what the view

looks like without

chaotic whirlwinds


maybe God is tired

of me constantly repenting

to fit

in a blueprint

coloring my canvas

for museums

where you can listen

on repeat

gotta do better

as I hear the voice of

my grandmother sing


Verse 2:

Got blood on my bible

push with my eyes closed

accept what my sky unfolds

please let me know


got some demons

yall aint no about

1am sneaky links

for my intimate droughts

strip clubs

no bottles

in my call outs

Power trippin

Morale face first

in pussy

connected

to dark routes


my first sexual partner

stalked and assaulted me

maybe that’s why emotional

intimacy is too taboo

to seek


vulnerability I swallow

to not be perceive

as a burden

my tears can fill ocean beds

that comfort our fallen

and drown my anger

in silence

love is way too loud

and can make me target

that’s why I stay

to myself often

hard to admit

and accept

I haven’t been okay

I ain’t no saint

I can only ask for

blessings that won’t

allow me to fade away

for the times

I made women cry

maybe I deserve

a rough life

knowing I carry

all the blame

in my psyche

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